Project Reflection Kea Edwards

 

Vital Signs: Examining the Development of a Physician Identity during Clerkship Year was a medical humanities project in which I set out to write memoir-style essays about my third year of medical school. I hoped to brush off skills I hadn’t practiced since my undergraduate major in creative writing and process some of the joyful, traumatic, complicated experiences I went through during clerkship year. I am happy to say that I was able to achieve both goals in the time allotted. I also wrote that I wanted to submit some essays for publication; while I haven’t yet taken that final step, I am excited that the Deep Explore Inquiry Symposium will give me the confidence I need to be ready to share my work with a larger audience.

It was important to me that reading be a large part of this project. No creative work happens in a vacuum, and I wanted to be able to place my work within a larger context, to respond to others, and to learn from memoirists who were exceptional at their craft. Two books I read that helped me reflect on the structure of memoir-style writing were Writing the Memoir: From Truth to Art by Judith Barrington and The Art of Memoir by Mary Karr. I had previously read Mary Karr’s The Liar’s Club during a college course and remembered being

impressed with her unflinching honesty even when she was revealing troubling details about her family. I knew I would look to her for permission to write about moments that I was not proud of, which were often the moments I learned the most from when developing my identity as a future physician. Ultimately, both books pushed me to include more dialogue and

immediacy in my writing, which in turn helped me avoid too much essay-style reflection and helped pull the reader into the scene.

I also read memoirs- lots of them. Some stand outs were The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs, for its beauty and irreverence, I am, I am, I am by Maggie O’Farrell for its ability to hold tension like the best of fiction, and The Best Minds by Jonathan Rosen for Rosen’s extensive research into the history of psychiatry that he weaves seamlessly into his own narrative. The Doctor Stories, a collection of William Carlos Williams’ poems, essays and stories about his life as a physician is another book that I will keep close to my heart. This is not only because learning about the ways Williams balanced his love of writing for his love of doctoring is an inspiration for my future career but also because I saw so many themes I felt called to write about

paralleled in his 19^th century musings.

The process of writing my own work was difficult some days, easy others, and always healing. I remembered patients that I had forgotten, unfolded feelings that I hadn’t realized I had tucked away, and finally had enough time to process the wild variety of humanity that I had encountered during third year. This project made me feel that my reflections are worth sharing, that I don’t have to entirely hide my humanity when I interact with patients, and that I

absolutely want to continue writing throughout residency and throughout the rest of my career. I surprised myself by how much I enjoyed writing shorter pieces, rather than the long-form essays I had envisioned, and I still have a long list of vignettes that I want to flesh out before the school year is over. I am so grateful to UCSF and to my wonderful advisor, Dr. Shieva Khayam-

Bashi, for giving me the opportunity to make meaning out of the past four years. The chance to read and write and process was a joy and a privilege that I wish for all my fellow students.